Please, let me fuck your mom
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
