he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
