In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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