He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
COCAINE IS GR8
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
