Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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