Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
