It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
