5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
