We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize