I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
