Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
