I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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