So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
