p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
