I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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