if you like me you must not know who I am
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
