hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
