We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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