I puked a lego.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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