I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
