Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
