she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize