Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
