Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
