I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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