I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
