I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
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i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize