I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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