Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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