My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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