is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
