The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
