Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
high people should be assigned attendants
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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