Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
