Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
