I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
