He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
