good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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