Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
