first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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