Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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