it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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