took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
we're so committed to being not committed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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