I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
