Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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