Betty ford says i'm here all night
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
