Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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