Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
