he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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