The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
