It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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