i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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