some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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