Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
