Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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