My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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