i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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