Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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