I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
