morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
