I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
