Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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