Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You are a genius and a whore.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
