Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
