Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
