I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
