She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize