wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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