yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
