Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
